Evening Comics Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program

TV's leading entertainers used their airtime criticizing former President Donald Trump's just unveiled visa initiative, called the "Trump card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-for-access arrangement for the wealthy.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday song targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys everything he handles."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan which allows international nationals to purchase U.S. residence for an investment of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for $5 million. A government portal guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief thought here to rich applicants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, involving large costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The most thorough background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval numbers during economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative media defenses of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.